dear future self

Future is scary. And I'm afraid of every part of it.

So far, I've always knew how my life would be like. I had defined goals. I knew what kind of person I wanted to become. I knew how the next day would be like. I enjoyed being lost from time to time. I enjoyed being lost because I knew I would find myself afterwards. 
Now, I don't have an idea of what comes next.

Someone told me ''don't suffer so much. People like you don't end up in nothing''. And instead of feeling proud, I cried for 3 hours straight. I don't know anymore what is like to be ''someone like me''. I could easily be one of those who gives up into alchol. Or drugs, Or suicide. Sometimes I even imagine it. But there's always some kind of hidden force that pulls me back to reality. Like, next week there's a party I wanna go. Or, I wanna live to see my college years. I delay my death every day, even when we are all walking towards it at every step.

Future is scary, It's like something is coming - a change in the weather. A big storm. But you know, there's always a chance it is a bright sunny day.

''I can see clearly now, the rain is gone''...